There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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