they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
