i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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