Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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