Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
