I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's never too late to be topless.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
