I just pynch a tree in the face
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
