I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
