do herpes really smell.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
