I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
