did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
