Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
