It's Friday. Sex?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
