should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
