I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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