Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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