WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
