Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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