So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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