just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize