she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
