We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
