An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
