I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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