Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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