worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
