I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
