Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
