wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just had sex bonerless
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
