I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
