oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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