hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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