At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize