No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize