Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you didnt know i had herpes?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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