He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
