I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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