he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
