who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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