Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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