She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
