Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
