I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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