I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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