My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
