I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
