go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Farmville is her only friend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
