You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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