Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
