That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
