He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
