loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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