how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
