Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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