i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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