if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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