Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there was a trapeze. enough said
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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