why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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