we're chasing vodka with high fives
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize