If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
