THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize