He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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