i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
