We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
