That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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