You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
