You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
