I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
