You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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