accomplished twins. life is a go
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
