haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
