Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
