I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
