Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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