Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And then my night got REAL pukey
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
