New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need to sanitize my soul.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
