It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
