you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
