Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
