uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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