i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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