i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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