I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
