why didn't you poke me back
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to cum in my sink.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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